OK, Taiwan, although I do love you and I'm very open minded when it comes to trying new foods, I'm afraid you are still an Asian country and that means you have some things that are bizarre at best and nauseating at worst. Let's take a look at some of the things you've tried to entice me with.
1. Asparagus Juice
I do like asparagus, however I can't imagine running two miles and then drinking a cool, refreshing glass of thick, green asparagus juice. I'm afraid some things were perhaps not meant to be juiced: meat, most vegetables, etc.
I realize the irony of thinking asparagus juice is completely and totally unappetizing, yet I'm more than willing to roll out of bed and drink a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. With a pickle or celery stalk stuck in it. I guess that's culture!
2. Chitz
What's brown, hard, and round? Why, a piece of Chitz, of course. If Chitz look good to you, then just let me know, and I'll be more than happy to bring back several boxes of Chitz for you. Nothing like Taiwan's own Chitz. Good ol' fashioned Chitz. Few things are better than a piece of Chitz rolling around in your mouth.
3. CheesePork Muffin
What do you want for breakfast today? Would you like a nice prepackaged CheesePork sandwich? I wouldn't. I admit, this one isn't that unusual...in fact it's probably healthier than every breakfast sandwich at Burger King. But the funny name, awkward 70s looking packaging, and the fact that it's prepackaged and not refrigerated at 7-11 means that I am never going to eat this.
4. Cookie with Green Onion
Well, at least this company gets a point for being extraordinarily direct. However, when I make a list of all of the delicious treats I'd like to sprinkle into cookie dough, I usually think of chocolate chips, M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, Nuts, oh what the hell, let's even go crazy and say peanut butter. However, putting green onions into cookies requires a stretch of the imagination which I'm afraid I'm unable to handle. Call me conservative, but I at least want cookies to be sweet! It's a slippery slope, folks, and pretty soon it'll be cookies with carrots, cookies with squid, and pretty soon cookies will want to marry each other which God frowns upon (obviously).
5. Roast Corn Juice
I don't know which is more amazing, the fact that Japan exports boxes of corn juice, or the fact that there is a furious, roaring bear on the box. By the way, in case you're wondering, this corn juice is ONLY Hokkaido taste, so for all of the lesser corn juices that are other-city flavored, you'll have to look elsewhere. Only those willing to overcome their fear of the bear are allowed to bask in the glory that is this corn juice. To all the whimps that can't handle it: go drink some wussy cow milk. REAL men fight the bear and drink roast corn juice.
Well that's all I have for today. More updates coming soon!
