Foods that I have no interest in....

OK, Taiwan, although I do love you and I'm very open minded when it comes to trying new foods, I'm afraid you are still an Asian country and that means you have some things that are bizarre at best and nauseating at worst.  Let's take a look at some of the things you've tried to entice me with.

1. Asparagus Juice

I do like asparagus, however I can't imagine running two miles and then drinking a cool, refreshing glass of thick, green asparagus juice.  I'm afraid some things were perhaps not meant to be juiced:  meat, most  vegetables, etc. 

I realize the irony of thinking asparagus juice is completely and totally unappetizing, yet I'm more than willing to roll out of bed and drink a nice, spicy Bloody Mary.  With a pickle or celery stalk stuck in it.   I guess that's culture!

2. Chitz

What's brown, hard, and round?  Why, a piece of Chitz, of course.  If Chitz look good to you, then just let me know, and I'll be more than happy to bring back several boxes of Chitz for you.  Nothing like Taiwan's own Chitz.  Good ol' fashioned Chitz.  Few things are better than a piece of Chitz rolling around in your mouth.

3. CheesePork Muffin

What do you want for breakfast today? Would you like a nice prepackaged CheesePork sandwich?  I wouldn't.  I admit, this one isn't that unusual...in fact it's probably healthier than every breakfast sandwich at Burger King.  But the funny name, awkward 70s looking packaging, and the fact that it's prepackaged and not refrigerated at 7-11 means that I am never going to eat this.

4. Cookie with Green Onion

 

Well, at least this company gets a point for being extraordinarily direct.  However, when I make a list of all of the delicious treats I'd like to sprinkle into cookie dough, I usually think of chocolate chips, M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, Nuts, oh what the hell, let's even go crazy and say peanut butter.  However, putting green onions into cookies requires a stretch of the imagination which I'm afraid I'm unable to handle.  Call me conservative, but I at least want cookies to be sweet!  It's a slippery slope, folks, and pretty soon it'll be cookies with carrots, cookies with squid, and pretty soon cookies will want to marry each other which God frowns upon (obviously).

5. Roast Corn Juice

I don't know which is more amazing, the fact that Japan exports boxes of corn juice, or the fact that there is a furious, roaring bear on the box. By the way, in case you're wondering, this corn juice is ONLY Hokkaido taste, so for all of the lesser corn juices that are other-city flavored, you'll have to look elsewhere.  Only those willing to overcome their fear of the bear are allowed to bask in the glory that is this corn juice.  To all the whimps that can't handle it: go drink some wussy cow milk.  REAL men fight the bear and drink roast corn juice.


Well that's all I have for today.  More updates coming soon!

What year is it?

So, a couple of weeks ago, an old man came out of his apartment as I was walking downstairs and stopped me.  He put his hand on my shoulder and explained (in Chinese) that his two kids were in school studying English and wondered where I was from.  I told him I was American and that if his kids wanted to come chat with me here and there I would be happy to talk to them in English.  He was so overjoyed. 

So since then, Andy (9) and Sophie (13) have been coming to my apartment twice a week for an hour at a time.  We look through their textbooks (which are extraordinarily basic) and practice some sentences, colors, foods, etc.  Nothing special, really. 

So why the reason for this post? Because I asked Andy (in Chinese) what year he was born, and he kept saying 91.  "91?" I said, "would mean that you are 21 years old, buddy." Again, this all took place in Chinese, so I know he understood. "Jiu shi er" he said.  That is most definitely 91. 

Knowing that he is 9 years old, even a 9 year old could tell you that the year he was born must be 2002 or 2003 (depending on when his birthday is). 

I shrugged it off as just some sort of confusion either on my part or his, and we continued our lesson. Then, a few days later, I took some money out of an ATM.  When I looked at my receipt, I was very surprised to see this:

Ok, so let me first point out that the currency of Taiwan is the New Taiwan Dollar.  So for those of you in the US, I am not withdrawing 5,000 US dollars!  In fact, I'm withdrawing 5000 NTD, which is equal to about $160 USD.

But take a look at the date!  We can definitely figure out that my withdrawal took place on May 30.  But what's with the 101??!?!

I finally figured it out.  When it comes to the year, Taiwanese people don't always use the Gregorian calendar.  In many cases, they use the date of the founding of the Republic of China as their "beginning of time."  I find this to be very interesting, as it presents a constant reminder to the people of the importance of country.  Can you imagine if the in the US, we started measuring the year from 1776?  It's very interesting.

So when Andy was telling me he was born in 91, he didn't mean 1991.  What he meant was that he was born in the 91st year of the Republic of China.  Because RoC just celebrated its 101st anniversary this year, we can deduce that Andy will, in the next 6 months, celebrate his 10th birthday. 

Amazing!

Wu Fu Temple

I live near this beautiful Buddhist temple, I recently discovered, and I thought I should pay it a visit.  Obviously Buddhism is an underlying religion all over southeast Asia and Taiwan is no exception.  I will say this, though, I have never seen such ornate, detailed, and decorated temples as I've seen in Taiwan.  They are simply stunning.  Wu Fu temple is a well known place throughout Taoyuan County (where I live) and has been around for decades.  From the outside, it looks somewhat (well...exactly) like this:

 You can see the temple begins with a prominent gate, through which you can see the actual temple building.  Look at the level of detail and the brilliance of the colors!!

After entering any traditional Chinese building, you should never forget to look up.  Look at the detail of this ceiling.  And, amazingly enough, this temple (and most others) are not constructed using any nails or screws.  It is simply wood inserted into slats (similar to Lincoln Logs).  It's really interesting craftsmanship that has clearly stood the test of time:

Here is the main chamber of the temple, which is surrounded by dozens of individual shrines for gods of various purposes:

This picture really doesn't do this room justice.  Here's a separate picture of the main shrine in the very back:

Notice on the left side, you can see hundreds of statues of gods.  Each one has a different purpose and a different meaning!

Did you notice the tables with stuff sitting on them?  People will often buy fruit, incense, and gifts and leave them for the gods to partake if they choose.  Then, when they return, if anything is left (which is almost always) they remove it and enjoy it themselves.  Here is a very classic example:

 

Now, obviously if I was a god, I would definitely jack that pineapple.

Then I noticed something interesting sitting on a table.  It looked like a bowl full of fruit slices, but they were made of wood instead of being real fruit. Take a look:

My friend explained to me that you drop two of the slices to let the gods answer your questions. If, three times in a row, they both point to the right, it means a "yes" from the gods, and if they both point to the left, it means "no".  And the three-times-in-a-row requirement ensures there are no false positives or negatives. 

This is a very convenient, not to mention interesting, system for communicating with the gods.  But what about questions that do not have yes/no answers, such as "What will my life be like in ten years?" etc.  Well, Buddhism has just though of everything.  That's why Buddhist temples have these:

So, it took me a little while to figure out what was going on with this contraption, but here's the run-down of how to use it. 

1.  Pick a question you want the gods to answer.
2.  Pull out one of the metal rods from the top. 
3.  Use the wooden fruit slices to get a yes or no regarding the metal rod you've chosen.
4.  If it's a no, put back the metal rod and try again.
5. When you get a yes, look at the metal rod.  There will be a number on it.
6.  Open the drawer (the things with the red knobs are drawers) corresponding to that number.
7.  Your detailed answer from the gods is inside!

Amazing isn't it?  Almost as amazing as the snake pit this temple has:

Sorry, I know it's not a great picture, but you can definitely see a couple of snakes in the back, and a huge piece of shed skin hanging from that log.  Apparently the snakes embody the gods.  That must have been why they had TONS of them.  So be good to the gods, or they will literally bite your face and inject venom into you. 

Let me also show you the detail of the roof, depicting battle scenes from ancient China!

Cool right?  And lastly, let me leave you with this wall of stunningly beautiful flowers, which grow easily in Taiwan and fill the temple with a sweet, pleasant aroma:

This is just one temple of thousands in Taiwan and throughout southeast Asia. This whole island is so full of beauty, that this kind of place can be found even near the airport. In fact, there is a tiny (phone booth sized) Buddhist shrine right outside my apartment, where people often pray to the god who watches over the local area for success.  They also have a large oven for burning fake money, (which comes in any currency and you can buy just about everywhere).  I believe this tradition is done in memory of loved ones, but I have a lot more to learn.  I'll save that update for a different day!

Snack Gals

So lately I've noticed a lot of what appear to be prostitutes in my neighborhood.  Like...a lot of them.  I'm a bit confused because I thought they'd be less obvious instead of being so out in the open and coming up to people's cars right on the street.  Obviously I have no particular experience in this realm of knowledge but it just seems like common sense.  Take a look!

OK, I have to be honest and say that the temperature was 88 degrees and the humidity was through the roof and I, myself, wasn't wearing much more than that.

I've been observing this everywhere.  On a bizzare scale.  You might see 5 girls on the same block, all doing the same thing.  Something's up here.  Here's another shot of "Jenny" (I gave her that name).

 

I was confused that the prostitution in my neighborhood was out of control until my friend explained to me that something totally different is happening.  As it turns out, this is indeed a very common thing all across Taiwan.  They're selling snacks.

This is an interesting Taiwanese equivalent of going through a drive thru.  These girls are selling a very traditional snack, which in English, is called a Betel Nut.

Apparently Betel Nuts are super common in Taiwan as well as elsewhere in Southeast Asia.  It grows from a palm tree in clusters and they're about the size of golf balls (give or take). People wrap them in Betel leaves and chew them.  This gives them a buzz similar to drinking coffee and a mild stimulation that has been compared to smoking a cigarette.  I got most of this from our friends at Wikipedia, and you can check them out here.  They apparently cause cancer.

Perhaps the most bizarre thing about this nut is that when some people chew on them, their mouth and saliva turn blood red.  When they spit them out, it looks like they're vomiting blood.  So the lesson here is, the next time you vomit blood (which is hopefully not often), just tell people you were chewing on a Betel nut.  If you're anywhere in Southeast Asia, no one will bat an eye.

For the ultra-curious (who don't know how to use Google), the wiki page on Betel nuts is here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Areca_nut

But what I really want to focus on is the Betel Nut sellers, remember?  Through my friend, I found out that because chewing Betel nuts is so common in Taiwan, the competition has evolved to the point that vendors are scantily-clad girls who wear as little as possible and look as sexy as possible.  Just to sell nuts.  I've also heard its even more crazy in southern Taiwan!

Now, if these girls are going to sex it up in order to sell you Betel nuts, they need to make sure you can see them.  How do they accomplish this?  Two ways.  First, they light up their venue like it's the freaking sun:

You can see the Betel nut girl front and center "servicing" a car.  Next, they sit right in the window so that you can see them very clearly from the street:

NOTE: This is not the same Betel nut store from the other pictures.  This one is 20 feet away.  If you notice the store is nothing more than that small room.  The girls sit on the stools, wait for customers to pull up, and then run into get the amount of nuts the person has ordered. Here's Jenny running inside to fill a customer's order:

 

Don't forget to notice the look on the customer's face.  So if you want some Betel nuts, now you know to just cruise the streets of Taiwan until you see a little glass box with some whore-like girls sitting in it.  Pull up, and they will take real good care of you.

Obviously the Taiwanese have learned an unfortunate fundamental truth about humanity: sex sells.  But one things for sure: shopping for snacks is WAY MORE EXCITING here than it is in the US....

Nankan Night Market

So I found out from a new Taiwanese friend that there is a night market in Nankan (the neighborhood I live in).  Just to give you an idea, I live in the outskirts of Taipei, near the major international airport.  So try to imagine a bustling outdoor night market if you were living a ten minute walk from O'hare in Chicago.  Without drugs or weapons. 

The population of this area is about a hundred thousand, which, by Asian standards, doesn't even put it on the map.  So as I went there I was a bit skeptical that it would be no better than the (still awesome) morning market that's right outside my door. 

Well, as it turns out I was a bit misled by my friend, because when I got there, it wasn't so much of a market as it was a carnival!  It was huge and had everything from food to games, to clothes, to shops, to drinks, to books, and more!  Here's what it looked like when I walked in:

Obviously I can't do it justice from a picture, but the place was about 5 square blocks of crowded vendors.  The place was so clean.  People actually used strategically placed garbage cans!  It wasn't all fun and games, though. I'd be lying if I said the stench of openly frying squid didn't wander into my nose.  I don't know how you feel, but when I get a whiff of that, it sure makes me think that sea animals were never meant to come in contact with fire.  Anyway, you know what they say: "A picture is worth a thousand words," so, let's pretend that I'm not actually lazy and here's a handfull of highlights with some captions.

Here's a (very typical) booth where you pick out a bunch of freshly-kabobed meat and vegatables and they're grilled up right in front of you.  This kind of stand is everywhere, although I don't usually see the vendors being so hygenic.  They wore gloves and cleaned meticulously!  Also, the meat and vegetables looked so fresh, not like they were grown in somebody's basement under a blacklight as they often do.

Trust me, the stir-fry station at Earhart Dining Hall has nothing on this guy.

Sushi?? At the night market?? Yes, it's true.  And honestly, it looked good.  They were rolling it right behind the stand.  I didn't try it though, for a couple of reasons. First, because there is a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant right near where I live where every plate is one dollar.  So...that's already pretty satisfying.  Second, their sushi choices were limited especially for the chosen people, if you catch my drift.  Third, Taiwan and I are very new in our relationship, and even though things are going well, I'm just not sure about the safety of the street sushi.  Seems like a bit of an unnecessary risk.  You're welcome, Mom and Dad. For what it's worth, though, it did look delicious and clean, and aside from general raw-fish-off-the-street concerns there wasn't anything that made me worry about it.  Instead, I tried this:

Pakistani samosas!  This guy from Pakistan set up shop in the night market and was hand-making samosas.  I bought a beef one for $1.  (USD not NTD, as is every price I will ever list here.  Taiwan's currency is also called the dollar).  It was delicious!  After basically inhaling it, I needed something to wash it down with.  Fortunately, I found a guy making juice from tall stalks of sugarcane!

He was taking the stalks in the back, stripping off the outer layer, and shoving them through the juicer in front.  Then he would take a big jug of the juice and pour it into cups and add a squirt of lemon juice.  He gave me a free sample, and it was pretty decent, so I bought a cup.  I especially love this picture because it looks like Rosie from The Jetsons is throwing up into a bag.  Sleep it off, honey, we've all been there. 

And that's what a cup of sugarcane juice looks like.  Would I drink it again? Probably not, because if you know me, you know that there is simply no better juice than grapefruit juice.  Well...let's give honorable mentions to pineapple juice and lemonade.  Anyway, here's a look at some of the games they had at the night market!

The first one is some kind of Mahjhong/bingo hybrid.  People seemed to be having fun but it looked a little overwhelming to me.  And don't even ask me whats up with the giant stuffed yellow guy you can win.  What do you even DO with that? Is that for a child??

The second one is a game of ring-toss on crack where you buy a bucket of rings and if you get one around any of the items, you win it.  The picture isn't super clear, but in the foreground all of the glass jars have goldfish in the them, and the bottles in the back are all beers from around the world.  The last picture is some kind of game that reminded me of Skee-ball but is clearly totally different and I didn't understand it at all.  Like most games in Asia, these had spinning lights and loud noises and I was totally overwhelmed and walked away.

Let me leave you with this gem, taken at a t-shirt stand:

 I'm happy to report that even Taiwan is not devoid of hilarious English mistakes.  If I had to guess, I'd say Massachubatts is somewhere between the states of New Yorp and Vermouth. 

So, the verdict?  The Nankan Night Market is awesome.  Now I know what I'm doing ever Tuesday and Saturday night.  It's clean, people are friendly, and there are tons of snacks to sample and games to play!  And now, it's bed time, and I'm sure I will dream about either what fruit I'm going to eat tomorrow, or Paul Rever's ride through Bostom. 

The Path to Happiness

Alright, let me share with you a very simple process to being happy:

1.  Locate your nearest tropical morning market.  This one will do:

2.  Next, you need to browse through the hundreds of fruit stands until you find the most perfect looking golden pineapples.  NOTE:  You should be able to stand about 3 feet away and your nose will fill with the sweetest, fruitiest scent you've ever encountered.  They should look more or less like these:

3. Next, let the vendor kindly skin the pineapple for you.  He will take out a huge butcher knife and start shaving off the outermost layer of the pineapple and cut off the top and bottom (which he does for free and with a smile!), revealing the delicious fruit inside.

4.  Now, you will need a knife so that you can cut the pineapple into bite-sized chunks.  You can skip this step if you've been living in your home for longer than 3 days and already have a knife.  But where to buy a knife?  Fortunately, your local morning market also has a knife vendor, how convenient!  Let him demonstrate the quality of his knives on a coconut so that you know it will glide through your pineapple:

5.  Take the pineapple home and turn on your air conditioner.  Sit in front of your computer watching TV shows or movies while you cut into the pineapple.  If it's not the most delicious fruit you've ever tasted in your life, you've screwed up step 2.  Fortunately, since you only spent $2 on that pineapple, you can find another without breaking the bank. 

6.  After you've had your fill of the greatest pineapple you've ever tasted (mine had no acidity and tasted like a caramel apple)  you'll probably be tired.  You should go back to bed:

 I guarantee that if you follow these simple steps, you simply can't be unhappy.  Feel free to modify this procedure to include watermelon, guava, honeydew, apple roses, bananas or any other fruit you enjoy.  The crucial parts are the freshness and ripeness of the fruit, the air conditioner, and a comfy bed.  Good luck!

A day trip to Taipei

Today was hot and the sun was out.  Apparently May is the rainy season in Taiwan, so I'm thankful for a nice dry day where I didn't have to carry around my umbrella.

I went into Taipei today, which is quite a process.  First, I have to walk through a bustling market, with the catch of the day and overflowing with fruit and vegetables.  Guavas must be in season because they were for sale everywhere...and looked bigger than I've ever seen.  Then again, my frame of reference is the "produce" section of the West Lafayette Wal Mart, so let's just say that like most Americans I'm not an expert on anything that doesn't have gratuitious amounts of carbs or sugar.

On the other side of the market there is a big street where intercity buses run.  I take number 1841 from my stop (Nankan) to Minquan Station in Taipei.  I know you don't care about this, but I'm just trying to be thorough.  The bulk of the ride is on the freeway, and on some elevated portions you can see some sweeping views of the city and the mountains rising until they get lost in the rain clouds.  Today I caught a glimpse of Taipei 101, which was recently the tallest building in the world until Dubai built something taller.  Now it's -only- the tallest in Asia, and the second tallest in the world.

The ride takes about 40 minutes, and then I take the subway to Chiang Kai-shek memorial.  I love the subway in this city! They are so clean, you would think they were built yesterday (I guess it's possible)!  Today I noticed a group of plants in one section near an escalator, and the subway station was showcasing a group of Taiwanese indigenous plants with tags for each one showing its name and where it grows.

But the best part is that there are lines drawn on the ground in front of each spot where the train doors will line up with the platform.  People are supposed to line up in these little "alleys" and get on the train in an orderly fashion.  But here's the crazy part: they actually DO it!  Even Americans don't care about stuff drawn on the ground!  Take a look:

Anyway, I was really impressed by it, but of course I completely forgot about it until I saw this on the subway:

Ok, so maybe it's the English teacher in me, but is anyone else shocked/impressed by the use of such a pun so perfectly by non-native speakers??  This gives you a great idea of the level of English the locals here have.  Today I was at the National Central Library and the Taiwan Fellowship assistant was helping me apply for a library card.  The lady at the desk was speaking quickly in Chinese and I couldn't pick up most of it.  Then, she randomly turns to me and says "Oh, you're a Purdue student? I know that school.  My husband went to Princeton and I lived in Jersey for 4 years."  I nearly did a double take.  Her English was excellent.

Then, I got my Taiwan national ID number, and I passed the man at the desk some paperwork and he handed me back my ID.  When he did it, he wanted me to look it over and see if there were any mistakes.  I know this because in a perfect American accent he said, "Hey man.  Check it out."  And I nearly burst out laughing.

Off to bed now.  I'm still a little jet lagged and I'm waking up super early and going to bed really early as well.  Benjamin Franklin would be so proud except I'm neither wealthy nor wise.